I have drank.

I have not given an eye for a drink from the pool as Ela did, but I now know why he did it. I have found the source for which I have searched. I have returned home.


Returned home, in what sense? Returned to as destroyed homestead, where the values and loyalties that united the homemakers have been razed to the ground by their intrapersonal conflict? Certainly whatever conception/from of home that survives this struggle between male and female, between those who are both former lovers parents cannot be the same as before the death of the innocence that initiated the death/destruction of the old home and the struggle over the remains. Is it really possible to drink of the wisdom of this pool without sacrificing an eye, sacrificing something of yourself, something precious and vital, something indispensable/invaluable invested in the old, now savaged dream? But then again, I hope to constitute a new home on the ruins of the old one, scavenging through the remains for what is of value, not least of which will be the understanding gained. So, then, the dreams and values that animated the first adventure could be reincarnated, in a hardier form, reconfigured through the scars of first defeat, exemplifying, in Eliot’s words, a return to where I started, but seeing the place for the first time.
I hope the entire experience will play a role in the psychic equilibration understood in metaphysical terms as homecoming, a homecoming to a harmonious humanity which only existed previously as dream. Without the experience of distortion, of dis-equilibrium, of divergence between ideals and actuality, of the difference between ones conception of oneself and of what one demonstrates oneself to be under the press of circumstances, how shall the reality of our dis-equilibration and the need for its healing be realised? Home as psychological equilibrium, psychological equilibrium as metaphysical actualization, home as physical space, as psychological cohesion/harmony of disparate elements constituted by the harmony of people from different backgrounds and historical/biographical trajectories, as acceptance of oneself-being at home with oneself, home as integration into a metaphysical centre, a mariner returning to the point beyond worlds on consummating his part in the primordial quest of his race, fulfilling the yearning represented by Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner, who, stranded at sea, “In his loneliness and fixedness he yearneth towards the journeying Moon, and the stars that still sojourn, yet still move onward; and everywhere the blue sky belongs to them, and is their appointed rest, and their native country and their own natural homes, which they enter unannounced, as lords that are certainly expected and yet there is a silent joy at their arrival”.