How do I realize the economic potential of the knowledge and abilities I have and those I am developing?

I need to integrate the totality of that knowledge and skills and focus them in specific projects.
In doing this, I need to allow the natural orientation of my soul to fulfil itself.

What does that mean?

I would need to explain what I mean by "soul”, as well as "orientation"
By soul, I refer to a centre of my self that is enigmatic, little understood but very potent. It is the focus of my most exalted drives. Drives that relate to what Rilke describes as the justification of my existence, an effort to validate the fundamental significance of my life, above and beyond the values assimilated from society on the significance of live and how it should be lived. It is fed by external sources such as ideas and experiences that emerge from outside me. In fact it was through such external influence that I began to develop a personality commensurate with what I describe as a soul.

By orientation of my soul, I refer to the deep lying drives that are almost instinctive to me but do emerge from the instinctual biological drives, such as the need for food, clothing and shelter. They have been evoked through encounters with powerfully stirring ideas in books, reinforced through further intercourse with such ideas in interactions with people, refined and consolidated, ground into me through decades of exploring and living by these ideas as well as the experiences on encounter with enigmatic potencies within my self and in nature that emerge from mediation looking within myself as well as in natural spaces.

What would you describe then, as the natural orientation of your soul?

First, let me explain what I mean when I speak of a natural orientation in relation to the soul on account of the apparent contradiction between the notion of the natural, suggesting something innate, and my statement that the development of the aspect of my personality I call my soul emerges through the stimulus of ideas from external sources.
I describe those drives as "natural" because of the their depth and integration into the nature of my personality. They have become so integral to my personality that they can be spoken of not simply in terms of the intimacy of the creeper and the vine but of the roots of the tree itself, which are vital to its nourishment.

Can one trace the se roots to their fundamental destination?

Or perhaps its true that my experiences with external stimuli represent a catalyst to awaken something that was already present in me. It was certainly present a potential or do we say that the potential was created through that stimuli? No. I would expect that my human potential for response was largely defined in terms of its ultimate range but that aspects of that potential were evoked by those encounters?

15/08/06

Three blind mice.
See how they run,
They run after the farmer’s wife,
She cut off their tails with a carving knife,
Have you ever seen such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?

"As long as space abides and as long as the world abides,so long may I abide, destroying the sufferings of the world".
Santideva-The Bodhicaryavatara. Chapter 10.v.55
"Whatever suffering is in store for the world, may it all ripen in me".
Ib.v.56
"The Boddhistava is a being who has vowed to enter into ultimate enlightnement or Buddhahood, so as to help all other beings reach this state".
"The Boddhistava is a being who has vowed not to enter into ultimate enlightnement or Buddhahood, until all other beings have reached this state"
"...a vivid state of metal quiescsence, accompanied by energy, and a keen power of analysis, by a clear and inquisitive intellect, are indispensable requirements; like the lowest rungs of ladder, they are absolutely necessary to enable one to ascend. But in the process of meditating on this state of mental quiescence...by mental concentration, either on forms and shapes, or on shapeless and formless things, the first effort must be made in a compassionate mood, with the aim of dedicating the merit of one’s aspirations to the Universal Good. Secondly, the goal of one’s aspiration must be well defined and clear, soaring into the regions transcending thought. Finally, there is the need of mentally praying and wishing for blessings on others so earnestly that ones mind-process also transcends thought. These, I understand, to be the highest of all Paths.
Then again, as the mere name of food does not satisfy the appetite of a hungry person, but he must eat food, so, also, a [person]who would learn about the Voidness[of Thought]must meditate so as to realize it, and not merely learn its definition. Moreover, to obtain the knowledge of the state of super consciousness...one must practices and accustom oneself to the mechanical attainment of the recurrence of the above practice without intermission. In short, habituation to the contemplation of Voidness, of Equilibrium, of the Indescribable, and of the Incognizable, forms the four different stages of the Four Degrees of Initiation-graduated steps ib the ultimate goal of the mystic Vajra-Yana[or Immutable Path].

What relationships are there between Mila in his cave in 12thcentury Tibet [the draga taso cave,among others] and I in my room in London's East Finchley in September 2006?
The image of my mother and sister flagging down reluctant vehicles when their car broke down on the Lagos-Ibadan expressway on their way to their temporary accommodation? The resonances of previous domestic disharmonies, involving both the head of the nuclear family and the members of his complementary family [a more suitable term than “extended family”] which are related, indirectly to this situation as Mila’s mother and sister suffered when their father died and conflicts arose with in- laws. Mila’s eventual apprenticeship to the magical and mystical arts which eventually took him far from home as mine has also taken me far from home.

MR TOYIN ADEPOJU

BIOGRAPHICAL PROFILE

MR TOYIN ADEPOJU IS A MAN WHO IS LOST.

HE SEEMS TO THINK THAT HE SHOULD BE SOMEWHERE ELSE,OR SHOULD BE SOMEBODY OTHER THAN HE UNDERSTANDS HIMSELF TO BE,BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE OR BE OTHER THAN HE IS .
PLEASE HELP HIM FIND HIMSELF.
HIS PHD RESEARCH IS AN ASPECT OF THAT SEARCH.HE HAS SPENT MORE THAN 20 YEARS IN THAT SEARCH AND THE BEST HE HAS GOT ARE THE SPLINTERS OF RECOLLECTION OF A MAN WHO HAS LOST MUCH OF HIS MEMORY,DOES NOT REMEMBER WHO HE IS,HAS TO ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE'S ACCOUNTS OF WHO IS ,OF WHERE IS GOING,BUT ALWAYS CAN NOT SHAKE OFF THE PAINFULLY DISTURBING FEELING THAT ALL ACOUNTS GIVEN BY ALL THE PROPER AUTHORITIES ARE NOT QUITE RIGHT AND THAT SOMETHING VITAL IS MISSING,SOMETHING VITAL THAT IS LOST FROM THE PICTURE THAT MAKES UP HIS LIFE IS TERRIBLY OUT OF PLACE,MISINTERPRETED OR JUST PLAIN LOST,LIKE A LANDSCAPE THAT IS PERCEIVED ONLY IN BLACK AND WHITE,WITH EVERYONE INSISTING THAT THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO IT BUT ONE SEEMS TO REMEMBER VAGUELY THAT ONE HAS KNOWN THAT LANDSCAPE IN COLOUR.
OTHERS SAY NO,CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE WHOLE WORLD IS BUILT ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT BLACK AND WHITE ARE THE ONLY COLOURS?WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR VIEW ALONE CAN BE RIGHT,YOUR ABERRANT VIEW AGAINST THE UNDERSTANDING OF COUNTLESS GENERATIONS ALL OVER THE WORLD?
MR ADEPOJU IS DEEPLY PERPLEXED BY THESE QUESTIONS.HE HOLD A BA AND AN MA IN ENGLISH AND LITERATURE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF BENIN IN NIGERIA.THESE DEGREES WERE ACQUIRED UNDER THE UNDERSTANDING THAT IF HE IS TO SEARCH FOR THE WAY TO WHERE HE SUSPECTS HE IS ACTUALLY GOING,AS DIFFERENT FROM WHERE HE IS TOLD HE SHOULD BE GOING,WHAT HE SHOULD ACTUALLY BE DOING AS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING,HE MUST MAKE HIMSELF FIT IN.HE MUST BELONG TO THE WORLD AS IT IS CONSTITUTED,OF PEOPLE WHO HOLD THAT BLACK AND WHITE ARE THE ONLY COLOURS,HE MUST MASTER THEIR TOOLS AND USE THEM IN HIS SEARCH BECEAUSE THOSE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT TOOLS EXTANT.ONLY THEN ,AFTER ONE HAS ACQUIRED THE TOOLS OF THE WORLD,AFTER ONE HAS SHOWN THAT ONE CAN BELONG IN IT AS OTHERS ARE DOING,AFTER ONE HAS ASSUMED THE CLOAK THEY WEAR EVEN IF ONE IS DIFFERENT UNDERNEATH,HAVING GAINED THEIR WEAPONS BUT WITH A PURPOSE DIFFERENT FROM THEIR OWN,ONLY THEN CAN ONE SEARCH FOR THE WAY THAT ONE HAS LOST;THE MEMORY THAT HAS NOT BEEN RECOVERED BUT WILL NOT GO AWAY.

THAT APPROACH HAS NOT WORKED.IT IS A LIE.A LIE THAT SUCKS ONE ALMOST INEXORABLY INTO THE WHEEL THAT IS CALLED SOCIAL LIFE,SOCIAL RESPONSIBILTY.THE PERSON BECOMES A RESPONSIBLE,FULLY ACCEPTED MEMBER OF SOCIETY,BUT IS STILL LOST.

MR ADEPOJU IS LOST.

THERE SEEMS TO BE A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE,SCATTERED ACROOS TIME AND SPACE,WHO ARE IN AGREEMENT THAT THEY ARE LOST AND ARE IN DEAD EARNEST ABOUT FINDING THE WAY TO THEIR ACTUAL DESTINATIONS,WHICH THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN BUT THE MEMORY OF WHICH THEY ARE DETERMINED TO RECOVER.THEY ARE LIKE THE MAN WHO,AFTER LOSING HIS MEMORY AFTER AN ACCIDENT, USED THE WEBSITE OF FRIENDS REUNITED TO REGAIN CONTACT WITH OLD ACQUAINTANCES WHO HELPED HIM REGAIN HIS MEMORY.THESE PEOPLE HELP EACH OTHER PIECE TOGETHER WHO THEY ACTUALLY ARE AND WHERE THEY WERE GOING BEFORE THEY LOST THEIR MEMORIES,LOST THEIR SENSE OF DIRECTION AND BEGAN TO WANDER.

IT WOULD SEEM THAT KATHERINE MALTWOOD AND SUSANNE WENGER ARE TWO SUCH PEOPLE.THEIR SEARCH IN THE TEXTS OF VAROUS TRADITIONS,THEIR TRAVELS IN VARIOUS COUNTRIES, ATTESTED TO THAT.AT TIMES AS WANDERERS WHO DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE,AT OTHER TIMES AS SEMISENTIENT WANDERERS,WHO SEARCHED WITHOUT KNOWING THEY WERE SEARCHING OR WHAT EXACTLY THEY WERE SEARCHING FOR, PEOPLE WHO WERE LOOKING FOR MARKS OF SOMETHING THEY COULD NOT FULLY GIVE SHAPE TO BUT WHICH RESONATED WITH THEIR QUEST.THEY DID NOT KNOW EACH OTHER.THEY LIVED IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES,GREW UP IN DIFFERENT PLACES.MALTWOOD IS DEAD BUT WENGER IS STILL ALIVE,IN THE SMALL NIGERIAN TOWN WHERE HER WANDERING AND SEARCHING TOOK HER, FORTY FIVE YEARS AGO,FAR AWAY FROM HER NATIVE AUSTRIA.YOU CAN SEE THE PULL OF THE SEARCH.MALTWOOD TRAVELLED WIDELY IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD,AND EVENTUALLY MOVED FROM HER NATIVE ENGLAND TO CANADA WHERE SHE PUT DOWN ROOTS.AGAIN,THE IRRESTIBLE INFLUENCE OF THE PULL.THE SENSE OF LOSTNESS.THE NEED TO SEARCH FOR THE WAY HOME WHEREVER IT CAN BE FOUND, SINCE WITHOUT IT,NOWHERE IS HOME.
PERHAPS AT THE MUSEUM TO WHICH SHE BEQUESTHED HER ESTATE WE SHALL SMELL THE AIR SHE ACQUIRED IN HER JOURNEYINGS,IN HER SEARCHES.THAT AIR COULD HELP US REORIENT OURSELVES.ONE SEARCHER IGNITING ANOTHER WITH THE MEMORIES SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO REKINDLE IN HER OWN SELF.PERHAPS THEN,MR.ADEPOJU WILL COME CLOSER TO FINDING HIS WAY HOME.

On disjunction between psycholgical development and dominant social values,particularly in terms of a conflict between individual and group Weltansschaung-world view- as represented by one's society, see the work of Kazimierz Dąbrowski, Colin Wilson and Abraham Maslow.Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration,in particular, could be understood to embody much of my experience in the tension between aspects of my domestic crisis and its metaphysical collerate that is central to this blog.

Along with a site dedicated to his work,Kaminski Battaglia's PhD dissertation does a scholarly overview and analysis of his work in relation to Dąbrowski's biographical and social context.

Viktor Frankl's Logotherapy as described in perhaps his most famous book,Man's Search for Meaning, will also be useful.The Viktor Frankl Institute of Vienna site contains a complete biblilography and references to the growth of the discpline.

my life and roots of my academic interests in exchange with ade

Oshodi Oshodi: Babalawo!
toyin adepoju: good morning. I hope you a good weekend?
toyin adepoju: weekend
Oshodi Oshodi: worked and spent time with family, immediate and extended. It was pleasurable
Oshodi Oshodi: and you?
toyin adepoju: forgive my tormenting me. look at your mate on this page. she finished BA same year as me http://www.chem.ucl.ac.uk/people/fielding/biog.html
Oshodi Oshodi: she is even attractive...doesnt look academic like you
toyin adepoju: type this into your browser
toyin adepoju: ucl.ac.uk/news/news helen fielding
toyin adepoju: copy and paste just like dat
Oshodi Oshodi: ok
Oshodi Oshodi: wow!
Oshodi Oshodi: a trail blazer!toyin adepoju: de evidence speaks for itself
toyin adepoju: her biography at
toyin adepoju: shge finished BA in 1989 de same year as me
Oshodi Oshodi: that does not matter to me, she had certain advantages you did not have
toyin adepoju: lets not dwell too much on that
Oshodi Oshodi: support of a stable family (probably), support of the educational system and living in a stable predictable society
toyin adepoju: did i not have support of a stable family? I was already employed in an academic job before she was according to her CV
Oshodi Oshodi: not exactly
Oshodi Oshodi: your parents were separated
toyin adepoju: YOUR LAST TWO POINTS MIGHT BE CLOSER TO THE MARK
Oshodi Oshodi: the NGR system did not make things easy for you in ALL regards
toyin adepoju: another point is dat it has taken me more than 20 yrs to get the opportunity i have now
toyin adepoju: i tell you i don go psychiatric hospital before?
Oshodi Oshodi: for wetin?
toyin adepoju: its too much to go into the details now but de bottom line was my mum was advised to send me there on account of my radical attitudes to education which were widely believed to the expressions of disturbed mind
toyin adepoju: a disturbed mind
Oshodi Oshodi: are you serious?
Oshodi Oshodi: you see, that could be as a result of family issues...
Oshodi Oshodi: in fact I am sure it is
toyin adepoju: explain please
Oshodi Oshodi: your parents were not together then, and may have been rebelling (with out realising the cause).
toyin adepoju: i will tell you de details in a few minutes. it had nothing to do with rebelling although a number of people could not help thinking it had to do with my family
Oshodi Oshodi: ok, I am waiting...
toyin adepoju: She struggled with her own incomprehension of my radical attitudes which she could not relate to anything in her experience, my father was in England with his new wife and largely, if not completely out of touch, she was struggling with all kinds of challenges, economic, spiritual and psychological-a part of the psychological is that I am convinced she subconsciously viewed me as representing the man who had so brutally hurt her and so was often antagonistic towards me. that did not mean that she did not love me but the love was entwined with contradictory emotions which I suspect were at times fanned by advisers.She tried hard to understand accommodate my attitudes to education, took me to an Indian guidance counsellor who tested my IQ since the counsellor believed I was making claims ttoyin adepoju: claims that suggested I saw myself as having a high IQ and she also took me to professor of psychiatry at Uniben who was convinced I was not well and wrote in his report that I had some weird ideas about spiritual contacts.Even when my father came back to Nigeria and I visited him, the whole thing was bizarre to him but he made some proposals which suggested that if he had been part of our family de issue might have been handled differently even if my family did not poses the cultural background or social help to understand the situation but he could not follow up on his ideas.Oshodi Oshodi: this all relates to my point
toyin adepoju: indirectly.you spoke of a rebellion
toyin adepoju: yet you don’t know what toyin was doing that was thought crazy
Oshodi Oshodi: a rebellion it is, it doesn’t have to be a physical expression
toyin adepoju: you say you admire creativity, do you think it always comes in ways that people are comfortable with?
toyin adepoju: i continue
toyin adepoju: eventually it was at the psychiatric hospital that i made friends who convinced me to do what everyone wanted me to do.i think it was because i had been able to make some progress in my initiatives before then, thereby giving me the confidence to continue with conventional, the emotional support i got from my friends dere which was free of de complications in my domestic setup, as well as the compulsion of the experience of being taken to the hospital by force alont the nurses abducted me in the midst of a magical ritual which in itself convinced dem i was not okay.
toyin adepoju: now what was the issue, why was i thought to be unwell?
toyin adepoju: i had resolved, after one year of A Levels that I was not going to go the university. I stated that i was going to educate myself
toyin adepoju: it made little sense
Oshodi Oshodi: it must have been agonizing what you were going throughtoyin adepoju: my mum struggled to understand and was convinced de key was my going to school to pursue my dreams
toyin adepoju: but i was convinced dat school was not de answer and with timnee i realise how right i was
toyin adepoju: later, we could continue. its really a face to face discussion
toyin adepoju: i was convinced dat my educational vision could not be realised in a school
toyin adepoju: i later concluded that i was not ready for the university
toyin adepoju: my mum filled and submitted my jamb form
toyin adepoju: and i was persuaded to do jamb
Oshodi Oshodi: you mother never gave up
Oshodi Oshodi: you owe her a lot
toyin adepoju: yes. even though she did not really know what was going on. I had very high grade and was admitted to uniben but i twice dropped out since i found the place claustrophobic intellectually
toyin adepoju: now,to,lead to the case i am making
toyin adepoju: how come that I, who was an indifferent student in secondary school which i left at 16 in 1978 was able to get 311 out of 400 when i did jamb in 1979-80,even though since i was persuaded late to do jamb,studied for it in only two weeks?
Oshodi Oshodi: 311 in JAMB!!!!! That is fantastic
toyin adepoju: .thanks for the frank appreciation.de questions is how was i able to do it with two weeks study having spent the time before then with bad A level 1 result since i was not really keen, doing extracurricular reading rather than my studies was an average secondary school student. I did not have any A1 in my WAEC.i have not always been this motivated about schooling as you see me today
Oshodi Oshodi: na your mama prayer they carry you
Oshodi Oshodi: hold on...
toyin adepoju: we thank God for her but there are also OTHER FACTORS. I went through a transformative experience after my secondary school that, as well as making the JAMB feat possible, was what inspired me with the idea that i needed time to get my cognitive bearing before going to the university.
Oshodi Oshodi: I dey come...toyin adepoju: i had read widely in my family's library, been fired by ideas about people i had come to admire, had become convinced through reading the Grail message that the current pedagogical regime represented by Western education represented a truncation of human potential ,had had practiced some yoga under the influence of Buddhism and the Grail message and had revelatory experiences that sealed the transformation in my thinking.i resolved to work out and apply an educational program of my own as an alternative to Western education. I later resolved that i could go to the university later after addressing that burning issue which had become more than an obsession. it defined my existence.
toyin adepoju: Even though I had to postpone those goals in order to succeed academically in terms of the linear progression expected by society, I have come back to them again and again and they are at the heart of the motivation, research design and gaols of my current academic research. my experiences in the UK have emboldened my efforts to address these ideas from within academia but i needed some time off from academia to pursue what Arnold Toynbee, writing about monasticism, described as the periodic need to take time off from the business and please and pleasure of the moment and "measure human potential against the human condition"toyin adepoju: tanks for de opportunity to take stock. I know i can count on you to listen. i need to go and bath now and go out briefly.
on family and success and single parent families see Barack Obama